Five Things British People Can Teach Lebanese People

Ah! Great Britain! Land of THE Queen, stiff upper lips, and brollies (that’s umbrellas for you)! As a Lebanese-Brit, these are my top five things as to what the Brits can teach the Lebanese.

To be followed, before anyone gets offended by my seemingly imperialistic viewpoint, by the top five things we could teach Brits!

1. It is never too early in the day for chips (that’s fries for you)

As proven by our national breakfast or, as we call it, the Full English, chips are the best thing that can happen to you on the morning after a night out on the town. What you are looking for is that perfect combo of carbs/fat/sugar, so don’t hesitate to drown your chips in ketchup or brown sauce. Yes, yes, I know, knefeh. But does knefeh come with eggs, sausages, bacon, black pudding, mushrooms, tomatoes, baked beans AND bread fried in butter on the side? I think not sir! I think not!

2. If it’s 11:00 AM, you can have beer

Technically, this means I can have beer at 9:00 AM, if on a morning phone call to Lebanon. If nothing else, it makes conversations about what Carole said to Amal, who repeated it to Karim, who then told the building’s caretaker, who now won’t speak to Carole, so much easier to listen to. Even better? The suspension of the rule at airports. When departing for holidays, you can, in fact should, have beer at the airport. Five o’clock flight? Jolly good!

3. Fashion is all about trial and error

Oh no! Uncoordinated outfits! In London, colour clashes are a dime a dozen. So is the habit of mixing, well, everything with anything – lace with leather, heavy boots with light flowery dresses, and prim white shirts with torn tights… This is the land that’s taught me I could walk out wearing (shock horror!) more than 2 colours at once and be okay with it! Yes, we don’t always get it right. Still, as far as I know, the saying goes: if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I have never once heard it said: if at first you don’t succeed, just copy off Burda magazine (or a Tommy Hilfiger men’s catalogue).

4. Queueing (standing in line for you) is freeing

You might think that the “bees swarming around a pot of honey” approach is the smartest. Until that is, the bees start stressing out, pushing each other and drowning in the honey. Queueing on the other hand is freeing. You have your place in the line, you know your turn is coming. This now frees your mind up to focus on what matters: wingeing about queues to your queue-neighbour, tut-tutting at every person who might be taking more time than you think is warranted and, most satisfying, telling anyone who dares cut the queue exactly where they rank in the scheme of life. Rank! Get it?

5. That’s not rain. THIS is rain!

Anything short of whirlpools drowning small birds outside your window is going-out-weather. With climate change resulting in more extreme weather occurrences in Lebanon, this is a good lesson to embrace. All you need to do this are two essentials. First, learn how to layer for when the weather plays up. It’s fascinating to see how quick Brits can go from muffled up to the brim to summery in the winter’s sun. Second, always have your brolly (umbrella, remember?) to hand. Any Brit worth their salt would not be caught dead without their umbrella, preferably a John Lewis (read ABC) one – because, oh the shame, of being buried with an ASDA (Supermarket el 7ayy) one!