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Mixed Marriages And Racism
Note: this is not meant to imply that all Lebanese people act this way, but we have to acknowledge the flaws in our society.
As Lebanese people, we portray ourselves as THE enlightened people in the Middle East. Of course habibi, we’re better educated. We’re open to Europe and the Western world, all the while retaining our Middle-Eastern values. We’re it! No one seems to stop enough to wonder what values we are open to and what others we are choosing to retain and whether they are the right ones.
Let’s talk about racism, shall we? Not the vicious, in-your-face, I will overtly demean you because I am superior to you kind of racism. That might be easier to fight. I am talking about the more implied, subtle, I don’t know what to make of this and so I will ask weird-ass irrelevant questions and/or behave very awkwardly type of racism.
Eleven years ago, I brought home the trifecta: my boyfriend, now my husband of 8 years. Different dual nationality (British-Mauritian), different ethnicity (Tamil), different religion (Hindu). Until this day, the questions and behaviours we face are many. One, however, is a constant. The ONE question everyone I’ve ever met since has thrown at me.
The author and her husband
Person A (who’s noticed husband’s photo on my phone and thought they could comment even though I’ve just barely been introduced to them in a random bar): How did your parents deal with the, you know, euh, hmmm, the situation (in hushed tones)?
Me: There is no situation.
Person A (all puzzled): No, but, you know, the situation.
Me: No situation to be dealt with. We met, we got married.
Person A: Were your parents okay then with, you know, the situation.
Me (very conscious of my tone starting to rise to high-pitch levels): There is no SITUATION
Person A: Your parents are very open minded to have accepted the situation.
Me: No, my parents are pretty much just common-sense, decent people. Also, THERE.IS.NO.SITUATION.
Is it so, so very far-fetched, in this Lebanese world of ours, that there would be no situation about two people being together, just because they happen to be from different ethnicities (or religions)? Is it so hard to believe that my parents did not feel like they had a “situation” to deal with? Is it so hard to think that any adjustments only happened as part of the natural process of adjustment that happens when two families come together, whether they are both from the same little village in Lebanon or whether they are from different parts of the globe?
Far-fetched or not, let me say this, once and for all. There is no situation here. Please move along (and stop staring so hard, you’re going to need a trip to your ophthalmologist, retina strain and all).
