16 Things You’ll Know Too Well If You’re Lebanese But Grew Up Outside Of Lebanon

This post was originally published here.

Being Lebanese is complicated in and of itself – and this complex nationality becomes all the more entangled when you grow up outside of your parents’ homeland. If you’re Lebanese but grew up abroad, you’ve surely spent a lot of your life answering questions and explaining yourself to people. Your name will always be strange, and your parents will always stand out. Here are the things we’re sure you’ve endured as someone from Lebanon who grew up elsewhere.

1. What is in a name? A LOT.

Whenever you meet someone, you’ll have to repeat your name at least three times. You’ll also never find your name on one of those keychains/mugs/souvenirs, and it will make you very, very sad.

2. This will usually lead to you having to immediately answer the daunting question, “Where are you from?”

If you were born outside of Lebanon, this question can be very, very troublesome. The seemingly innocent question can trigger a lot of anxiety. But, if you choose to explain that your parents are from Lebanon, you’ll probably be met with even more confusion than when you first uttered your exotic-sounding name. Or they’ll say something like “Oh, Lebanon, Pennsylvania!” No. Sure. Whatever.

3. Changing names

Some people, to avoid all of these hurdles when meeting someone, will change their name to something that will help them assimilate better. ‘Tamer’ becomes ‘Tommy,’ ‘Samer’ becomes ‘Sam,’ fine, that’s acceptable. But the best ones are the names that have nothing to do with their newfound nicknames. Weird shit happens in these circumstances. If you ever meet a dark-skinned, Arab-looking man in the States who introduces himself as Bob, just know that his name is most definitely not Bob.

4. Your parents will only speak to you in Arabic

Good on them for doing this, but when you’re young, it can often be infuriating. You just want to be like everyone else and your parents will make it a point not to let you. But if it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t fit in as easily when you finally visit Lebanon and you wouldn’t be, by default, bilingual. So, appreciate this as much as you can even when you think it’s embarrassing. Your future self will find it endearing.

5. Stepping foot into your family home is like stepping foot into the Museum of Arab Legacy

This point goes hand-in-hand with the point above. Petrified that their kids might grow up out-of-touch with their Lebanese roots, your parents will go to the extreme to make sure you remember that you are, in fact, Lebanese, even if you live in Wisconsin. The walls of the house will be adorned with Arabic calligraphy and religious relics, your floors will be covered in Ajami carpets, your pantry will fill every room in the house with the aroma of za’atar, Fairouz will always be blasting from the speakers, and your mother will never, ever, ever cook a non-Lebanese meal for dinner – which can be quite embarrassing when you go to school with a lunchbox full of malfouf when your bestie is munching on a ham and cheese sandwich with a side of Doritos.

6. Speaking of your parents yearning to preserve their culture…

Your Lebanese parents living outside of Lebanon will probably fit into one of these categories.

6. Growing up can get, awkward

When it’s that time in your life when your body starts transforming and you become a hairy beast overnight, well, this is the worst time to be a Lebanese kid growing up outside of Lebanon. If you’re a girl, your ‘cool’ girlfriends will have started shaving their legs and arms (even though their hair is iridescent blonde) by the tender age of 11. But your mom will deprive you of this right until you’re 16 or so, meaning that you’ll be running around in gym class like Godzilla and you won’t get a boyfriend until you’re like 25, which is what they wanted in the first place. If you’re a boy, you’re stuck with a pre-pubescent, cringey, fuzzy, barely-there-but-there-nonetheless mustache until you’re in college.

7. Your bi-annual trips to Lebanon are intense

It’s like a decade of bi-annual culture shocks when you’re a kid who visits Lebanon every year. Your Lebanese cousins will look at you like you’re an alien, similarly to how your American classmates look at you when you first mention your weird name.

8. Even if you have a neutral name like Sarah, there’s something that will always make you stand out outside of Lebanon

Your hair.

9. Having friends over is weird

Other than the fact that your house will be a Museum of Arab Legacy, your mom will not let you do any of the fun activities that you’d usually do at a friend’s house. That also means no junk food, no soda, just juice and carrots for snacking. You’re not even allowed to play hide and seek because your mom doesn’t want you messing up any of the Museum’s relics.

10. Explaining the concept of the ‘Salon’ to foreigners is very, very confusing to them

Non-Arabs will never understand the concept of the Salon. Why do you have this elaborately designed and furnished room that no one is allowed to sit in/on? The answer is simple: no one really knows.

11. You’re never allowed to join your friends at slumber parties

Even if you’re 7 years old, your Lebanese mother will think that sleep-overs are for orgies, drugs, and getting pregnant. It will never be allowed – even when you’re 30.

12. Life after 9/11 became a living nightmare

All of a sudden you were scared to exist and your dad changed his name to Bob.

13. Constantly explaining the fact that you’ve never seen a real-life camel

I’ve never seen a camel. My relatives don’t live in tents, we don’t ride magic carpets and we don’t condone child marriages – oh and believe it or not, women can dress as they please and can drive!

14. Are you really Arab if you’re not on your school’s honor roll?

You’re basically not Lebanese if you’re not your school’s valedictorian. You will go to college. You will pursue a degree in Architecture, Medicine, or Engineering. Good day.

15. 32 and still single?

Still living with mama and baba. No questions asked.

16. If you ever did something wrong you’d get this threat

“I will send you back to Lebanon and you’ll live with Teta. It’s up to you.”