10 Behaviors That Prove Lebanese People Do Not Understand Privacy

We live in a land where privacy breaches are a cultural norm and we just can’t get enough. Don’t believe us? Here’s some hard proof.

1. When they attempt to trace your entire genealogy 5 seconds after meeting you.

This chronic societal condition can be split into two main tracks:
SPT (Speed Interrogation Track): common symptoms include “Where are you from?” and “What does your dad do?” among other politico-religious mininvestigations subtly camouflaged as small talk.

CDT (Connecting the Dots Track): utilizing Lebanon’s inherent tininess to weave revelatory associations à la Did you know I know a guy who knows a guy who’s friends with a guy who knows a guy who lives two blocks away from that guy you know…

2. When they casually investigate your love life.

Dropping hints surely won’t get you through. You are kindly requested to provide a detailed account of your current psycho-emotional state coupled with a brief history of your romantic partners (in reverse chronological order). References should strictly include real names and verifiable facts, while critical cases may require screenshots for added evidence.

3. …just before taking the noble initiative to set you up with someone.

Stop trying to make fetch happen, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

4. When they insist on making unsolicited comments about your weight.

Or take the health-conscious initiative to advise on your diet. Or speed-diagnose you with eating disorders they can’t even define properly to start with. Or just assume you’re thrilled to discuss the inherent morphology of your body with them.

5. …and personality, and appearance, and career, and life choices.

Thank you for hallowing my unworthy scheme of existence with your remarkably insightful philosophical intervention. I shall cherish the fraternal act of wisdom that you selflessly chose to pour into my life till the day my ashes are scattered.

6. When they invite themselves over.

Do you not understand how unready I am to ditch the fluff of my non-matching PJs for you? Don’t come knocking on my door before giving me a heads-up early enough for my lazy self to either prep up for your visit or make a decent excuse.

7. When they ask about your earnings in remarkable detail.

Why do you care if I get paid per word or per article? How is this piece of info relevant to your existence as a modern-day human being? What if I told you I get paid per comma?

8. When they expect you to reply to their messages right away.

I am under no legal, social or emotional obligation to answer your email/WhatsApp message/phone call within the first few seconds of receiving it [your ‘kind reminder’ will not land you a faster response either, by the way]. People here seriously need to get over their perpetual sense of urgency.

9. …or else use social media as a legit accountability tool.

Yes, I am online. No, I’m not going to reply. Yes, I posted a picture at 9:03 PM. No, I can’t take your call at 9:04 PM. Yes, I am professional. No, I did not see your “URGENT” email on Sunday midnight. And even if I did, I probably wasn’t awake or motivated enough to follow up AND YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN ALLOW YOURSELF TO SEND ME WORK STUFF AT MIDNIGHT ON A SUNDAY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

10. When you’re trying to enjoy some alone time and they find a way to creep on you.

Don’t you find it A-M-A-Z-I-N-G how people here tend to associate alone time [a natural and necessary feature of psychological wellbeing and human life at large] with anti-social behavior and a whole range of psychological diseases? I’m not depressed, broke or upset. I simply don’t feel like going out. Is it that difficult to understand? Does this count as some strange otherworldly sensation? Have you not experienced such a feeling before? Why are you still asking if I’m okay? Shall we summon a therapist?