6 Things That Happen At Your Lebanese Grandmother’s House

At least twice a year, I come home to Lebanon from Dubai to visit my family. These periods of time are usually the best times in my entire year, especially when I stay at my grandmother’s place. She is a woman who would kill in order to make anyone happy. It’s a good thing – well, most of the time.

1. You need to schedule your baths for the whole summer.

At some random moment during the day, my grandmother will come up to me and ask me when exactly I plan on taking a shower. She tells me that I must decide in the next 30 seconds. At this point, it’s a life or death situation for me.

2. You need to have to full detailed ideas for lunch for the upcoming week.

“Shu badak tekol boukra?” I usually don’t know what plans I have for the next day, so I would usually calmly explain to her that I simply do not know, which will result in an impatient rant. And when you tell her what you want, she will tell you she’s unable to make it because she doesn’t have any of the ingredients, and will proceed to make her choice of lunch.

3. Zero privacy.

She will walk into my room at 6 AM, turn the lights on and make lots of noise, and then proceed to ask me what I’m doing. Um…just chilling Teta?

4. All the yelling, all the time.

You will hear her yelling intensely on the phone, but she’s just talking to her friend about the weather. The loudest moment is when the grocery guy comes with the day’s delivery, and they have a casual screaming contest.

5. She’ll always comment on your hair/ clothes/general appearance.

Too long, too short, too baggy, to tight. It’s never a winning situation with them. “3ale bantalonak, shu hal manzar” is also an occasional comment thrown around.

6. Everything has to turn into a storytelling/lecture session.

If you dare to do something just a little questionable (like looking at your phone to check the time), there will be severe consequences, so beware.

And finally you’ll be glad that you spent the summer at your grandma’s house because she’s one of your favorite people in the world and nothing beats hanging out with her!