Paying On The First Date: A Feminist Issue?

I am of the mindset that we’re all a bunch of hypocrites, running around, brandishing our ideas like we were all one-dimensional beings who have a single mind. Truth is? We all have our own ideas of why things make sense and are not contradictory. Who here has not gone to town on that taouk sandwich in the secrecy of their kitchen, a minute after they had been preaching the merits of whatever healthy lifestyle they believe in to Tante Georgette – because, you know, taouk is grilled and full of proteins. I know I have!

So… Here’s a confession from hypocritical me. I set traps to people I went on dates with. It went like this… We go out. Bill comes. I propose to halve it. I wait for a reply.

Now, there are 3 ways this can play out.

1. How about I pay this time and you get the next one? #Nothingwrongwiththat

2. How about you pay this time and I get the next one? #Becausehesworthit and I like facetious men

3. Definitely. Let’s go Dutch. #Dutchrightoutofhere

I don’t know what it is. I cannot explain it. There’s something about someone accepting my offer to go Dutch on the first date that repels me. I sit there and see, stretching before me, future years of splitting bills, exactly in half. Years of being told I owe him $4 for that Uber ride we took on Saturday, while he now owes me $6.5 for those groceries I bought on Sunday. #Justkillmenow!

And so, I cast my line and waited to the bait to rise. All was great in the best of worlds.

Except, I am a feminist. I am supposed to want equality. And… “shouldn’t equality mean you should equally pay for all outings you share with your date?” said those trying to convince me that feminism is not a thing, as clearly demonstrated by my own hypocritical self. And “should equality mean you should equally pay for all outings you share with your dates?” said those trying to convince me that I was killing their brand of feminism with my antics.

Well… What about MY brand of feminism? What about feminism’s core principle of the right to an informed and free choice? You want to go Dutch on the first date. Consider me informed and consider this budding relationship over. Equally consider it over if you pay on the first date and then insist on paying every subsequent time, taking my offer of treating us as a personal insult to your manhood. The point is, I would handle this in the same way had I been dating a woman. The point is, you could equally catch me when I am being treated or when I am treating. The point is, stop judging who’s a feminist and who isn’t, from one glimpse into someone’s life.